Downs and ups of lockdown

“Nah, we’re fine, making do. We go for walks, do a bit of Facetime, spend time on the phone, keep in touch with kith and kin, read a book or two. Watching a lot more telly, Netflix and the like; learning a bit of basic Hungarian online – Duolingo, you know. Well-being wise? Total A plus 100 percent, no probs. Not like him next door.

“Him? Maybe headed for a mega breakdown, he can’t cope, need to keep him away from the knife drawer, know what I mean. Lockdown’s okay for most people like office johnnies working from home, or yoga teachers giving zoom classes, or people on furlough. But for him. Well, he’s a paid assassin, works for the government and a few large corporations. But what with social distancing, face masks, and people moving in support bubbles, he either can’t find and identify his targets or he can’t get close enough, and so he can’t accept any commissions. He tried a bit of telephone contact tracing to stave off boredom but there hasn’t been enough work to keep him motivated so he jacked that in.

“He’s also worried that he’s getting rusty, losing his skills, needs to keep practicing. Ordered a dozen or so live chickens which he released one by one in the garden so he could improve his tracking and garrotting. But Amazon said no more as they make a mess of the vans and some drivers are alektorophobic, and so that was the end of that. Anyhow, he says that he needs the real thing, chickens are no substitute.

“Actually he’s been okay for the last few days, a lot more relaxed, less pacing and growling. Haven’t seen his missus recently which is surprising; she’s normally around, cheerful and friendly. Maybe gone to visit her mum.”

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2 Responses to Downs and ups of lockdown


    Great story. Vastly amusing.

  2. elaine17 says:

    Love it, your usual amusing style and a good (?) ending. Keep well!

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