He knows

Image copyright: Al Forbes

Image copyright: Al Forbes

“The three guys in the back are shouting, ‘Faster, faster, overtake, overtake.’ They’re seriously wasted. We all are. Even Gemma, two weeks outta school, first tattoo still scabbing, first jaunt with us older dudes. Drinking vodka. Neat! Vodka – it’s a Russian drink.”

“I know,” said St Peter.

“Of course.

“And then we come to a long straight stretch and I give it some juice. The needle touches eighty. The front left tyre blows. Pow!”

“I know,” said St Peter. “Now, that’s enough about you. Move along. Collect your wings from Hut 3.

“And do something about that bird-cage breath.”

 

Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ weekly 100 word challenge found here.

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28 Responses to He knows

  1. Interesting story, but St. Peter would have probably worked better as an ending twist. Good writing, though Patrick. 🙂 — Suzanne

  2. rgayer55 says:

    I’m glad there’s a caring deity who’s all about forgiveness. I need a bunch of that. Are you familiar with the song, “Rusty Old Halo” by Hoyt Axton? Give me those 2nd hand wings full of patches.

  3. Heck! I like Saint Peter where he is, but agree that it would work just as well if he were introduced later. I enjoyed the story very much either way. Well done.

  4. Sandra says:

    Made me grin! 🙂

  5. Michael Wynn says:

    Good take on the prompt, very original

  6. wmqcolby says:

    That opening really rocks! Lots of pace and tension.

    As to introducing St. Peter later, there’s a story producer Irwin Allen told about wanting to make a movie called, The Big Circus. He went to Harry Cohn, founder of Columbia Pictures to discuss the script and Cohn threw it down and said, “This is a piece of —-, Allen.”
    “Um, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Cohn?”
    “You know that a——e on page 19 that walks across Niagara Falls on a tightrope?”
    “Yes.”
    “Put him on page 49 and you got a deal!”

    You see? Wisdom. 😉

    Five out of five Churches of St. Taffy. 😉

  7. Dear Patrick,

    Maybe it’s just me, but I like the introduction of St. Peter early i the story. I can see him calmly listening to the new arrival’s frantic blather and saying, “I know.” Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  8. yarnspinnerr says:

    I like your take. Nicely done.

  9. Dale says:

    Have to agree with Neil on this one… if you left the first one go, we can wonder who is talking!

  10. Hester Miranda Alcock says:

    Routine. Re his colitis I think

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  11. neilmacdon says:

    you give the story away by introducing St Peter at the beginning

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