Planet #9

Image copyright: Erin Leary

Image copyright: Erin Leary

“It appears we’ve totally screwed up the planet, Your Eminence. All that burning of fossil fuels over the last century, the way we ravaged the forests, polluted the waterways, killed all the insects by spraying and destroyed their habitats, overgrazed the pastures, genetically modified the crops instead of nursing the soil, carpeted most of the planet’s surface with concrete and tar.”

“So?”

“It’s a problem, Sire. We’ve run out of food. Nothing left to eat. Not even water lilies. The peasants are revolting.”

“And you recommend…?”

“Earth, Sire. Invade, colonize, rape, pillage, burn.”

“Sounds like fun. Fetch me my armour.”

 

Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ weekly 100 word challenge found here.

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39 Responses to Planet #9

  1. Great surprise twist, Patrick. It sounds as though they might have become us. There have got to be more planet wreakers than us if you search far enough. Dark humor and well done. 🙂 — Suzanne

  2. We have met the enemy and he is us!

  3. Had me fooled, thought you were talking about Earth, sad to know we aren’t the only fools out there.

  4. Dale says:

    What little we have left here… sounds like our peeps are the same type as Planet Nine’s…

  5. maria says:

    “Uh-uh. We’ve got some problems, sire.”

    “What now?”

    “The Earth’s no good, either.”

  6. So is this your take on what the fabled ninth planet that they announced a week or so is like? 🙂 If so, we’d better get our defenses ready.

  7. jademwong says:

    What a story to parallel the reality here on Earth, which will no doubt disappoint these characters. Great job!

  8. ansumani says:

    Plant #9 is going to be disappointed…the earthlings have left for Mars already. Nice cautionary tale.

  9. athling2001 says:

    Nice cautionary tale. Thanks.

  10. gahlearner says:

    Hah. They will find the most willing allies here to go and exploit the rest of the solar system, and galaxy, and universe… Great message, packed into funny.

  11. Oh boy is he in for a disappointment… I wonder if earth are making similar plans.?

  12. Margaret says:

    Oh dear. They sound so familiar – they know exactly what’s gone wrong and why, and there they go keen to do the same thing all over again. So well told, and I love the twist at the end.

  13. Adam Ickes says:

    They better get here quick or there won’t be any point in them even making the trip!

  14. So much evil..so little resources. 😦

  15. What a delightful twist at the end. And here I thought the conversation was happening on earth. Well played.

  16. Oh not a very happy bunch when they find out there’s nothing here too.
    Loved it.

  17. The Voice says:

    Nicely done. Great twist at the end and was that a “History of the World Part I” reference I caught in there?

  18. Imagine their surprise upon arriving! This is one awesome story, Patrick!

  19. Sandra says:

    If there was ever going to be an abortive mission, this is it. Nicely and ironically executed Patrick.

  20. Dear Patrick,

    I hope they’re not too late. We’ve done a fair amount of our own land-rape and pillaging on planet Earth.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

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