Mission Statement

Image copyright: Madison Woods

Image copyright: Madison Woods

“We dedicate ourselves to the physical and spiritual well-being of all our customers, our suppliers and our valued workers. We will strive without let to ensure all primary producers of our ingredients are properly rewarded and we guarantee that all animal products will be organic free-range. Slaughtering will be undertaken in the most humane conditions; deforestation will not be tolerated.

No employee will earn less than 12% of the total earnings of our highest paid manager, and all tips will go to waiting and kitchen staff in full. Full-time guaranteed-hours contracts will be the norm.

Yours sincerely,”

Just kidding. Suckers.


Written for Rochelle Wisoff-Fields’ weekly 100 word challenge. Find other writers here.

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43 Responses to Mission Statement

  1. Amy Reese says:

    I was waiting for that punch line and you delivered it well! Right, you’re a sucker if you believe all that! I’m glad you went here with the prompt. Nice one!

  2. Funny I was thinking,”No way could this possibly be true,” the whole time I was reading your piece. Love the last line.

  3. rgayer55 says:

    In the words of WC Fields, “There’s a fool born every minute, and never give a sucker an even break.”

  4. gravadee says:

    Wish something like this was true, but no, some manager just wanted to enjoy his friday with this write up

  5. So many of those letters could be written for so many companies, too many. We are all suckers!
    Well done.

  6. Wow, you had me for a minute!

  7. gahlearner says:

    Indeed. What Draliman said. A bored manager had a bit of fun there. Great piece!

  8. Sally says:

    Great take on the prompt – love ‘suckers.’

  9. Hahahaha 🙂 Reads like the constitution of many a country 😦

  10. Sadly, this rings too true. Well done.

  11. micklively says:

    Who decides the worth of individuals in society? And how did he/she/they get the job?
    Good piece.

  12. ceayr says:

    So, Patrick, not a big fan, huh?
    Well written and amusing piece.

  13. draliman says:

    Fun! I imagine the managers had a laugh one day at the pub writing that out 🙂

  14. Lots of fun. Had me fooled all the way.

  15. Miles Rost says:

    I love this, as a person who is actually looking for work. Well done reeling in the people!

  16. Dear Patrick,

    I’m laughing and shaking my head. Very well done.



  17. Graham Lawrence says:

    Still chuckling!

  18. Honie Briggs says:

    Made me laugh out LOUD. Terrific!

  19. Sandra says:

    I was almost being convinced there … Nice take.

  20. Ha.. lying is a great art. 🙂

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