“More nectar, anyone? My round. That’s seven mugs of your best please, garçon. So anyway, there I am about eight thousand kilo flaps from the Gates, my mind who knows where – yes, yes, of course, but no-one else – when I twig that I can’t remember what I’m meant to be doing. I was half asleep during the briefing which at first I thought was some sort of practical joke. So there I am, mid-flight, fumbling in my robes but unable to find the paperwork and have to call up Raph here for help and he manages to get a copy and brings it to me but not without first doing three victory rolls around me in front of the full host which is soooo embarrassing and he demands half a dozen wing feathers for putting himself out for me. Plus he bangs on about the need for me to get the job done properly because if I don’t it’s going to be a lot of extra work for all of us.
“It turns out that the deal is I have to go to the place Earth and meet this creature Adam and tell him not to eat from the tree of knowledge. Any of you know what a tree is? Well, I eventually rendezvous with Adam. He was late; doesn’t quite grasp the concept of time and the need to be punctual – and it turns out his life has been one of mixed fortunes. Sure, he lives in a paradise with everything he could possibly need. Except his wife Lilith dumped him to go off with old Samual, that evil bag of bones, and he had to rip out a rib to replace her. Anyhow, I give Adam and his new squeeze – her name’s Eve – the spiel and they take it all on board, make some promises, and show me what a tree is. Not all that exciting.
“Then some while later this serpent – what you grinning at, Luce? – comes along and badmouths my message and Adam and Eve do what they’re not meant to do, and so everything goes pear shaped and we get the order to put on our bailiff uniforms and help turf these two out of their paradise, figuratively speaking. I mean, what does that mean? ‘Figuratively speaking’? Either they get turfed out or they don’t.
“Well, who cares. It’s not my gig. Camael’s in charge of this one. I’m going along in a support role. Doesn’t bother me.
“Hey! You’ll all get to see what a tree is.”