Dear Gloria

Dear Gloria,

I am attractive, healthy and single and in my early twenties, but my partner of six months is suggesting we give up sex for Lent. Do I find someone else? I think maybe we should abstain? Please help.

Yours sincerely,



Dear JB,

Abstinence is something I wouldn’t suggest,

Could you last forty days without being caressed?

That only leads to a slippery slope,

Don’t let yourself be ruled by a partnerless Pope.


Get the cookie dough out of your beautiful eyes,

That way for certain madness lies;

Contrived self denial is like a leaky tin can,

Serving no purpose for woman nor man.


Try greeting your urges with yesses not noes,

Dispense with propriety and with it your woes;

God’s gift to you is the bloom of youth,

It’s a sin to reject it; there lies the Truth.


I hope these words help you decide;

Now let your hormones be your guide.


Best wishes,

Gloria Sunshine

Relationship Adviser

Poetry Quarterly


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7 Responses to Dear Gloria

  1. Patrick says:

    Thanks for reading. Maybe Gloria will be back.

  2. beccaaudra says:

    I enjoyed the problem of this and the lack of explanation. Give up sex for Lent. It’ll be good for you….

  3. Patrick says:

    Thanks, Anthony. I think Sarah must have a real problem choosing from all the good stuff that appears. I suspect she just sticks a pin into her screen.

  4. Congratulations on writer of the week — well deserved.

  5. Pingback: Featured writer week 24 | CAKE.shortandsweet

  6. This piece is delightful, light-hearted and very well rhymed! Thank you for sharing 😀

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