When the queen met the king – a one act play

When the queen met the king

“So, how long have you been here?”

“Oh, a while, a while. Since the sixteen hundreds latest. Could have been much earlier. Same as you, quite probably.”

“Aye, I suspect. Anyhow, I really miss the highlands, the lochs, the heather. The heath. Blast it, I want back to the heath. And castles.”

“Ja. Castles. Especially with battlements. And I miss the fjords. And Rhenish, of course – I’m not cut out for sobriety. And mild weather. It’s so bloody hot here. Scorching.”

“Aye. Scotland was never like this. Did you know Edinburgh and Copenhagen are almost on the same line of latitude?”

“Nej. Geography wasn’t my strong point. Well, not completely true – I knew where Norway was. And Poland. Always giving grief. Sending in armies and all that.”

“Norwegians! We also had them. Kicked their butt.”

“Ja, well. So you’re here for…?”

“Same as you. Regicide. But it wasn’t me who did the deed. They got me on incitement. And trying to frame the guards.”

“Oh ja. I’d forgotten. Sword, wasn’t it?”

“Daggers actually. Look, there’s one now.”

“Don’t see anything.”

“Damn. Nobody else does either. Elusive bloody things. And you? The killing thingy?”

“Ah. Poison. In his shell-like.”


“Shell-like. Ear. Poured it into the porches of his ear. Did the trick.”

“Funny old world isn’t it. You were lust and ambition, isn’t that right?”

“Absolutely. Gertrude was a real stunner. And I got to wear the heavy hat. Dead easy. No real barriers. There was a son. A bit of a weirdo if you ask me. Had a problem differentiating between sleeping, dreaming and dying. Seriously into himself, and really indecisive.”

“Interesting. My bloke was also indecisive. He met these three weird sisters who predicted he would be all-hailed as king but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything about it. Too much of the ‘If it were done…’. Too much of the milk of human kindness. No spur. Really had to push him. But, och aye, with us it was ambition. The vaulting kind. Also wanted the heavy hat. Don’t we all.”

“It was good for a while, then it went all pear-shaped. There was a bit of a blood bath. Rapiers, poison and all that. So, how do you spend your time nowadays?”

“Reading. A lot of Rebus. He’s made a comeback.”

“Ja. Well, I’m into Scandinavian noir. The Killing. Sarah Lund – a real babe.”

“Ah well. There’s the gong. I need to go wash my hands. See ya.”

“Hej, hej.”

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